I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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