the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
