Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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