just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
