I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
