You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
