all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I have already put on my inside pants.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
