Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I need a hoe opinion
go on
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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