Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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