me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
You left your phone here
Wait...
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
