one might say we're banned from that church
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
