Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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