so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
