OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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