wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
