Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
