I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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