Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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