Having a random hookup so left but love u
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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