TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
