I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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