The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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