god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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