yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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