I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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