their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
