Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
We got so high we made milksteak
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
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