I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
