I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
