a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
