Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
