hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
