You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
