Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
