The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
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