Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
