god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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