This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
