One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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