Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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