How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
