11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
she told me i tasted like america
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
