benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
