I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
