i jhust puked up my retainher.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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