My liver just broke up with me...
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
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