For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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