wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
