I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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