At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
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