i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
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