We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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