I have demons in me.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
